A Man and His Moon
by crazygunbladergirl
Summary: A Nobody is alone in his castle, when one glorious evening, his bright beloved appears in the sky. Yes, this is the tale of Xemnas and his beloved Kingdom Hearts. CRACKFIC. Possible spoilers. Slight Xion-bashing. Xemnas/Kingdom Hearts.


_A/N: I've been playing Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days lately, and the thought suddenly occurred to me while playing: Xemnas must be in love with Kingdom Hearts. I mean, seriously, he spends all of his time standing in front of it and babbling on nonsense that no one seems to understand. And so, I have decided to honor this underrated pairing, cracktastic style. crazygunbladergirl presents, a fanfic for the pairing of Xemnas/Kingdom Hearts…_

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**A Man and His Moon**

-Part One-

It was a lovely, warm day (or evening, rather, since it is never day) in The World That Never Was. The other members of the Organization were all scurrying about, going on various missions to other worlds. It was a typical day.

But it was also a nice and quiet day, for everyone was out of the castle except for its Superior. Indeed, Xemnas found that for once, he had the entire castle to himself. Even Saix was out gathering intel in Beast's Castle.

"Ah, peace and quiet at least," Xemnas murmured to himself. "No angry shrieks from Number XI, since she was disposed of. No annoying, twangy plucking supposedly called 'music' from Number IX. No whining from Number XIV. Yes, it is a lovely evening, indeed. Or day. Whatever this is considered."

Pleased that he could move about the castle without having to listen hard for whispers of "There goes Mansex! Watchout!" from his underlings, Xemnas left his magical room of chairs and ventured to the top of the castle. Up in the dark sky above, he could see small hearts flowing up into a black mass where the moon should have been. Kingdom Hearts was under construction, and things were moving along much faster now that the Keyblade users were working for him.

"Even if they are two annoying little children," Xemnas muttered.

Suddenly, a flurry of hearts appeared, rushing into the black mass above like a swarm of locusts.

"Ah, Numbers XIII and XIV must have hit a jackpot," the Superior remarked. Then he groaned. "Curses, I'm beginning to talk like Number X. I must stop playing silly card games with him. Such fraternizing with the underlings will not do."

The black mass exploded in a bright light, blinding Xemnas in the otherwise darkened scenery.

Then, as he regained his vision, it happened. He saw his beloved and was consumed with an overwhelming passion. If Marluxia were still alive, flowers would have likely showered from the heavens upon the two lovers.

Kingdom Hearts had finally appeared, shining through its dark surroundings with a soft, loving glow. Indeed, it resembled beautiful Luna herself, only it was shaped like a heart.

Xemnas stared at his beloved with awe.

"Kingdom Hearts… I must have you. My love, once you are finished, I will have a heart, and then we may spend eternity together forever."

The heart-shaped moon did not respond.

"Darling, I suppose that you cannot speak because you are still young. With time, you will grow." He smiled and lifted his arms, hoping that perhaps he could feel the warm gaze of Kingdom Hearts on his gloved fingertips.

But alas, he felt nothing.

"Curses. I must tell the children to hurry. My love, if only the day of our union did not depend on the work of useless adolescents! Then I would go out myself and collect hearts for you!" He stopped speaking and thought for a moment. "Then again, I have the underlings to do the dirty work for me… This gives me time to gaze upon my love!"

Kingdom Hearts remained silent, which Xemnas took for impatience.

"My beautiful ivory heart, we must be patient! Soon, we will be together. Then I will dispose of the underlings so that I may have you all to myself! Although Number VII has been surprisingly useful since he joined…" He suddenly realized the folly of what he had just said and turned back to Kingdom Hearts.

"Darling! I did not mean to say that I value Number VII over you! The nickname they have all given me is a lie! Please, ignore the fact that they call me 'Mansex.' I only love you, Kingdom Hearts! Oh, I have been moved to speak in poetry. I must describe you in words that no one understands but us!"

The moon waited as he cleared his throat.

"Kingdom Hearts, you are the heart of all hearts, the heart of all worlds. You are what will complete the Nobodies someday. Because of you, the worlds can go on, because you are beautiful. I will gaze upon your white heart-shapedness and wait for the day when we may be together. One day, we will rule over all the worlds and laugh at the underlings. Those with hearts could not possibly understand the love we have for each other, my darl—"

"Superior, what exactly are you doing?"

Xemnas abruptly stopped speaking to his beloved and turned to see Saix.

"Ah, Number VII. As you can see, Kingdom Hearts has now made its first appearance." He managed to hide the shiver of ecstasy he felt on mentioning the name of his darling.

"I do see that. This is most wonderful. Shall I gather the others here so that they may see, as well?"

Xemnas thought for a moment. _Oh, Number VII, why must you be so bent on keeping me from my love! All of those idiotic underlings, here, NOW? Then again, I suppose I might as well get it over with._ He nodded. "Yes, bring them all here."

Saix turned and went back down the stairs, once again leaving Xemnas alone with his beloved.

"Darling, we do not have much time. I will have to finish proclaiming my love for you much later. Please, do not be angry with me, Kingdom Hearts. Oh, even your name brings delight to my whole being! Such a beautiful name! Kingdom, such regality, such power! And Hearts, soft, nurturing, the symbol of romance, the passionate romance we have!"

He heard the voices of his underlings approaching, so he stopped talking and instead continued to gaze upon Kingdom Hearts, his eyes following the natural curves of its heart shape with excitement.

"Whoa, that thing is huge!" Roxas exclaimed.

"That's what she said!" Demyx shouted.

Saix sighed. "Number IX, is this really the time for that sort of thing?"

"What is it? Why are we here? I wanted to go eat ice cream," Xion mumbled.

"As if, Poppet. Does anything intelligent ever come out of your mouth, anyway?" Xigbar muttered.

"That's what she said!"

"Demyx, shut up! That didn't even make any sense!" Axel remarked.

"Everyone, _please_ be quiet!" Xemnas ordered in a steady tone. "I have gathered you all here so that you may gaze upon my belo—I mean, Kingdom Hearts. Yes, this is Kingdom Hearts. Kingdom Hearts." _Oh, darling, your name is so orgasmic…_

"What does it do?" Xion asked.

"What do _you_ do?" Demyx responded.

Xemnas groaned and shook his head. "This is the heart of all worlds! Once Kingdom Hearts is complete, we will also be complete. This is the reason for everything we've been doing." _But once Kingdom Hearts is finished, I get all of it. None for you, underlings. Oh yes, I sound so villainous. Darling, look at the authority I command!_

He heard Roxas and Xion continue to ask more mindless questions, but he was ignoring them now, for he was completely caught up in the rapture of his beloved Kingdom Hearts.


End file.
